My mother passed due to the stress of taking care of my father. He was retired and very demanding as a husband and when younger as a father with his two sons. Single and now alone at the age of sixty-six depression, anxiety, loneliness had taken over.
He refused to clean up after himself or himself period. I start with a home health aid service. My mom's replacement is to come in three days a week for four hours a day. Dad seem to think a mom replacement should fulfill all moms duties. Six days was just long enough to scare three future moms away. Scary shower scene times three.
After a discussion with the owner of the company he sent me a list of three male home health aids that could come three days a week. I had no clue who to pick so I went with Franklin the same name of my dads best friend in college. Whom my mother hated for some unknown reason. Ben starts next Monday.
Tuesday and not a word from my father about my new "mom" named Ben that is now a guy. I call my dad at noon to get this report.
Me - Dad it's Charlie how are you doing?
Dad - Oh I fine son. I woke up yesterday from a fog. My house is a mess. I can't believe I let it get this bad. Anyway is everything okay with you?
Me - Yes dad, I was just check to see how things are going.
Dad - Well let me get back to cleaning I still have three more rooms to do.
Well has happy as that made me it was a bit weird, that was like talking to my dad five years ago. I texted Franklin to give me an update as to how the first day went.
Ben - texted me back that his was with another client but everything went great. Dad seemed confused until after he took a shower. Then he seem much better and very embarrassed about how bad the place was. We spent two hours cleaning the kitchen and talking. I am scheduled four hours tomorrow.
Wednesday through Friday still no contact and even stranger no complaints. Saturday night I call my dad and ask if I need to pick anything up for him and to remind him I will be over in the morning. He says he has everything he needs and suggests I bring the boys with me. I explain I will ask if they are awake.
My father lived ten minutes from me and my family of four. We would drive over and pick dad up and bring him to our house. We all refused to go there and spend time with him because it was discussing. I gave up my Sunday mornings to do a take all the trash out and sweep the whole house for anything garbage. Trash goes out on Mondays. I did his laundry for the week.
I hear my oldest son's phone go off at seven five minutes later he was in the shower. Ten minutes later my other son running down the steps to the bathroom. He stops by the kitchen to say he is going with me. Grandpa is making French Toast the way grandma did. He threw on shorts and a t shirt, the three of us get in my truck and head to grandpa's house.
The house looked awesome, maybe cleaner than ours. Within seconds of opening the door the smell of bacon fills the room. Grandpa starts the French Toast and gets it crispy. Smothered in a Butter Cinnamon and Powder Sugar melting into a syrup. The transformation in one week was a miracle. My dads brain working and using different brain cells. He was like a different person, yet still in La La Land.
The trash had been collected and just needed to be taken to the curb. We sat down to a breakfast grandma would have been proud of. He had cleaned up as he cooked there was one pan in the sink. I watch my dad sit an interview his grandsons what grade, what sports, what are your best subjects. Finally the oldest son asks
Son - Grandpa where have you been? I have not seen you like this since before grandma left. What happen?
My dad smiles. Looks away looks back and says with the upmost clarity...
Dad - I lost my reason to live for a while, and I got it back. I am not going to be around for much longer but I am making the best of the time I got left.
The boys go outside to throw a football and I take the chance to ask dad about the home heath aid.
Dad - Oh she quit coming over two weeks ago. As you can see I don't need them anymore.
Me - Dad you can't be doing this all by yourself.
Dad - I had help getting it clean but I am the only one keeping it this way. Which reminds me I have to move the laundry. Come talk to me in there.
Me - You said you found a reason to live so what is it?
Dad - That I can't explain but you can meet him tomorrow if you want. He will be here at ten.
Me - What's his name how do you know this person?
Dad - Ben, he is a guardian angle from my past, but as real as I am. He is my best friend, and we can talk about anything. It might be a gay thing. It was back in college, and we do take showers together.
Okay I see the way you are looking at me. Your old man is back in La La Land. Let me make this perfectly clear I have never been this happy about the time I have left. If this is La La Land don't you dare wake me up. I have a reason to live, to function, to shower, to clean up after myself. What you see as La La Land is my Happily Ever After.
Me - Wow relax dad. I think you are doing great dad, and you are right. We have not seen you this happy in a very long time. Don't change anything you are doing. I got a hug from my father that I will remember forever.
I left in shocked and the boys and I called my wife to explain the transformation. The kitchen and restrooms were spotless. She wants me calling Ben the minute I get home.
Ben - I am so glad you called. Your father said you would be coming over this morning what did you think?
Me - He said he had found a reason for living. I think he is talking about you, Ben.
Ben - That would be or could be anyone that cares about your dad. The boys coming over for French Toast this morning was a reason for your dad to get up and make breakfast. He is keeping his house clean because I convinced him he has to if he wants to keep it. He just made an effort to be part of his grandson's lives and yours.
Me - My dad just begged me not to mess his life up. He seems to think this is his last great chance for happiness. I am not asking you to change anything, I just want to be included. I want to know what you are doing that is different.
Ben - You father seems to imply he was in a gay relationship before he met your mother. She broke them up. The fact that I am gay or maybe my name seem to remind him of that time or that guy. I will admit he loves our time together and he loves me and I love him back. It's not sexual well except for the shower he gets way too turned on. Which was the same problem he had with everyone else. The difference in your father is amassing you should show up tomorrow and watch the interaction.
Me - I will see you tomorrow and thanks for all your work with my father. We are all grateful it is a positive and wonderful improvement, whatever you are doing.
My wife and I take the day off thinking we should bottle this and sell it. Call CNN and have someone do a report on my dads version of La La Land. My wife called my dad to say we were both coming over around 10. Dad asked to make it 11:30 he doesn't get done with his shower until 10:30 and he will make us lunch. It seem to make since Ben was not scheduled to get there until 10 AM.
He introduces us to Ben who is his new best friend that works parttime as a home heath aid. He is a student working on his Masters in Social Work. We follow them into the kitchen. The table is set and the smell of purple onions is extremely strong. Dad puts a huge bowl of a strawberry onion salad with this special homemade dressing. It was like eating desert. The conversation was entertaining and this was a gayer version of my very straight father. He could not stop touching Ben. A hand here, a rub on his back, a kiss on the top of his head. Then a peck on the lips that was returned. My dad is gay and has twenty-three year old boy friend.
Dad tells us they have a gay couple coming over tonight to play a board game called Sorry. Jack and Ed live two blocks over and are in their fifties. The four of them met at the grocery store. My dad and my wife clear the dishes. Ben points out the touching issues my dad has. He was doing it to my wife. A side hug and grasp of her hand for a second. An elbow to her ribs and at joke. He even flicked a towel at her butt which seem extremely gay from where I was sitting.
Ben - After you mother died he went without being touched or touching someone. We he finally did it was inappropriate and he got in trouble for it. The first day I met him I explain I was there to help him take a shower. He said the reason they send a guy was he gets too excited being naked. Then he tells me his first love was a man name Franklin. Chances are it is going to happen again.
Then I told him I was gay, my name is Franklin and friends call me Ben. Because I was gay he could get as excited as he wants. We took a shower and he came out of the closet and the fog he was in.
Me - So how would you describe your relationship?
Ben - At first he was a client four hours a day. The rest of the time he is a loveable x boyfriend you don't want to get rid of. My best friend, a daddy, that is sometimes a child and responsibility. He is fun to spend time with, and we can talk about anything. He tries to read fifty pages of a book a day, he works out and goes for walks. Talks to his neighbors.
Me - So you spend more time with my dad then you get paid for. Why? You are twenty three why don't you have a life?
Ben - I am a gay, a nerd with high functioning Autism and my own social issues. I tend to relate to older than my age group. I am hoping to publish a book about the healing power of touch. Your dad was my favorite client but not the only one with results. This is me and I am living my best life. I quit being his home health aid a week after I started. I don't get paid to do this anymore.
Me - Because of your book?
Ben - No because I love your dad, He would be hurt if he thought I was only here for money. I want the last years of his life to be his best. He is my best friend and I want to be there for him. You don't need to pay me this. I am doing this as his friend and with your approval I would hope.
Me - I think you should move in. Quit or cut back on your other clients. Focus on school and your book and keeping my dad happy for as long as you possibly can.
Ben - Wow thanks for saying that. I was so afraid to you tell me never to come back again. (crying) That's really Wow awesome of you.
I get a hug from a kid slight too old to be one of mine. It was a mom hug. A welcome to the club hug. People that love my father. Immediate family has new meaning. The power of touch his heart beat am mine pounding so hard. I whisper Welcome to the family Ben in his ear.
I was getting emotional which never happens. My wife and dad notice the hugging and come running to rescue us from what ever it is or the reason why. I ask Ben can I make the suggestion to my Dad and he said sure like he knew what the reaction could be.
Me - I was suggesting Ben could save some money by moving in here with you Dad. It might make it easier on working vs school, and a personal life.
My father looked at my wife and with tears in his eye accused her of being a telepathic.
Told her it was a gift and she need to learn to use to make the world a better place. He walks over to Ben...
Dad - So, how about that idea kid you can have your own bedroom with a lock on the door. No one needs to know if you use it or not.
Ben - I would love to move in and play house with you.
The two of them are hugging and we make our exit. It was like they had passed a test and got approval to move forward. My wife and I get in the car. She is amassed at me for suggesting it and my father.
Wife - We were standing at the sink. He brought up our wedding and the advised he gave me that night. Then he told me wanted to ask Ben to move in. He did not want the family to freak out that at the age of sixty-six he was coming out as gay and shacking up with a gay guy forty years younger than himself. I don't think your dad is crazy he is having the time of his life as a gay guy. He has this whole new adventure to look forward to. Which is something to live for.
Me - So what did my dad tell you on our wedding night.
Wife - It was a video of a gay guy doing gay stuff to another guy.
Me - OMG my dad gave you gay porn to watch.
Wife - I am not so sure what is bothering you. The fact he did that or the fact it worked.
Me - (speechless)
I called my dad the next morning he offered an religious explanation.
Dad - In this version of La La Land your mother got to the pearly gates and got called out for breaking my heart by not loving me anymore. That caused the fog in my head. Then for what she did to break up Franklin and myself. I think she is doing time in purgatory for only thinking of herself and in return I get a chance to die a happy gay man.
Me - So what was it that mom did to get you to break up with Franklin?
Dad - She got her uncle to give me a very nice job at the bank. So her father would approve of us dating. She also made it look like Franklin was cheating on me. No one wanted to be gay back then. I took the money in exchange for normal. A wife and two kids. She got Franklin a job offer that would take him in a different direction.
Me - Mom always seemed very happy.
Dad - She was being your mother and my wife. Then you boys grew up and none of that mattered. We were old and most of our friends had moved on. Her family passed she lost her reason for living. I was never a reason. I am not sure she ever loved me now. I was just one of many people she picked to get her to the next level.
Me - You are right after her mother died she did give up. You guys always seemed so happy.
Dad - It was perfect for a long time son. You mother was not prepared for us to get old or to be alone. No of that matters I have a 23 year old boyfriend and roommate and I am making the best of the time I got left. What you did for Ben today was awesome, and I am forever grateful.
Me - We all want and need you around dad for a lot longer with the happily ever after plan.
La La Land - Story Time Blog
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